Psalms 139

“When I say, ‘My foot is slipping,’ your mercy, Lord, holds me up. When cares increase within me, your comfort gives me joy.”

Psalms 94:18-19 (A lot of Psalms in this post)

This blog post will truly encapsulate my home page’s promise of “the good, the bad, and everything in between.” If you don’t want to hear about sad things, stop at the end of “fun stuff.” As always, I am honored that you’ve dropped in to have a look at what I’m up to.

Fun Stuff

To start, some friends and I began integrating family dinners into our weekly schedules. The first time, we made a sweet potato and lentil soup based on a recipe that Sophie had. The second time, I made honey mustard chicken, rice, and green beans for everyone. Guys, I’m being a real life adult here. Are you proud?

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On a Thursday night, a friend and I tried out NUI’s “Christian Society.” You may be thinking: But Emily, last post, you said you went to the Catholic Society’s meeting and it was great. You are correct! CathSoc is on Wednesday nights and Dochas (Christian Society) is on Thursday nights. Guess which study-abroad-Jesus-lovin-gal is going to both?

After the Christian group, we went into town for a social night hosted by the Mountaineering Club. We popped into a pub called “Seven Bridgestreet” and were pleasantly greeted by a flood of friendly faces and live music. As the night went on and the chatting subsided, some girls and I hit the small dance floor. The band set lots of familiar songs to some traditional Irish tunes. They had a particularly upbeat rendition of Elton John’s “Rocketman” that turned into quite the banger. We literally danced the night away, and it was great craic (remember I taught you that word?).

That weekend we attended Arcadia’s mandatory Ealu (“escape”) weekend. We got to County Wicklow on Friday night just in time for dinner and some USA-Ireland-Movie/TV trivia hosted by the program directors. I hit my peak in the Movie/TV category. The next morning, we took the bus to Glendalough to learn some cooking from a famous Irish chef. We learned to make Irish soda bread, potato leek soup, and sweet scones.

After lunch, we went to the Upper Lake in Glendalough and explored the remains of the monastery nearby. Besides the breathtaking views of the hills and lakes, the calm contemplation of the crumbling towers and graves, there were so many wide, open, grassy spaces. I am unashamed to admit that I, and some others, frolicked through the fields, prancing and spinning with our arms outstretched, singing Frozen II’s “Into the Unknown.” It was freeing and full of joy. Humble yourselves like little children, right?

On the walk back, we mused through the green forests that were just what fairy wonderlands must look like. That night, some Irish dancers came to the retreat center and taught us a thing or two. We were a mess trying to follow, but maybe not as big a mess as we could have been. Either way, it was fun and rich with Irish culture!

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I have to say, one of the best parts of the weekend was sharing a house with Avery, Sophie, Janey and Josh – some of the friends I’ve made who are also studying abroad and are great. Apart from being cool people in general, the final night, we gathered in the living room with some water color painting and Mamma Mia dance partying.

There were many bus rides throughout the weekend. From Galway to Dublin, from Dublin to Mayo, from our retreat center to the lakes, back to the retreat center, then to Dublin and then to Galway. Josh started a little game of who-can-catch-the-sleeper, documented below.

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This weekend, we stuck around Galway. It’s been a bit weary and dreary – with big storms and not many places to go, Avery and I treated ourselves to a yummy dinner at Cooke’s Restaurant and the cheapest wine on the menu. Afterwards we popped over to Fine Wines and got a couple Desperados for a rom-com night.

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P.S. To you, who chided me endlessly that zipping your coat does make a difference: it’s late, but the Irish winds have convinced me. I believe you now. Zipping does make it warmer.

Deep Stuff.

As I mentioned, a friend and I are doing a Ruth Bible study together (separate from NUI’s Dochas). Something that’s been on my mind is this idea of the good and the better. You see it in their story. Orpah wept and wailed and pleaded to go with Naomi, who urged her to go on and take care of herself – and eventually, she did. Ruth stayed. Does this make Orpah a villain? She was a widowed young woman who still had potential and a future ahead of her. She wasn’t calloused or cruel. She did a good thing. Ruth offered her entire life – where she came from, who she was and what she believed, as well as any possibility of what she would become – to Naomi, out of love and selflessness. Ruth did the better thing.

Now, I had to go to the Garda station a little ways away from NUI campus to complete some immigration things. I began the morning by waking up from a sad dream. Besides the brief excitement of taking a bus for the first time by myself, everything was going wrong. My bank cancelled my card unexpectedly, leaving the 300 euro charge unpaid. Luckily, I phoned a friend and she said she could come and cover so that I could get it over with and Venmo her later.

While I was waiting, I decided to read the book assigned for Modern Irish Lit, Normal People by Sally Rooney. It hit my heart in all the wrong places. Before I knew it, the tears were streaming, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop them. Picture the scene: young, American girl, turning as far into the wall as she can on the wooden bench just outside the immigration office. I was there for an hour and a half before my friend was able to arrive. Cried the whole time, guys. And on the bus home. Then again in my apartment.

I wish I could say it was a singular event. There are lots of sad dreams and days when everything hurts a little more than usual. There are times I see something on Instagram that stings, or I look through old pictures and videos, and I have to force myself to remember that this whole terrible feeling is meant to produce something good, something bigger than just me.

But God provides. I had messaged that same friend I’m doing the Bible study with and mentioned that I was having an off day. When I showed up for the class we had together that night, she had gone all the way into town to get me a hot chocolate from our favorite spot, Butler’s. The following days, friends swooped in with rescue Facetimes at just the right moments. Shout out to Alex Garcia and Elena Robson, you lovely humans. Remember the good and the better? Shortly following the Garda debacle, I woke up one morning and felt unmotivated to go to daily mass. I go to daily mass and adoration almost every day; I knew that it wouldn’t have been bad for me to miss it this time. Heck, even going to daily mass once a week in addition to Sunday mass is good, never mind everyday. But I was convicted. I am usually eager to get up and haul my butt over to the Cathedral. Given the recent events, I realized: if I’m inordinately lazy for this particular mass, it probably means there’s something really good waiting for me and you-know-who is trying to interfere.

I chose the better. I went, and the Gospel reading was Mark 4:21-25. So, you might wonder, why is the title of this blog post Psalms 139? Because my God knows me. He sees me go to mass everyday, He’s there with me while I pray in the chapel and cry in police stations. He knows how to reach me and the ways I hear Him. And He knew that I needed Mark 4:21-25 to remember the better that I am trying to attain.

I pass this little patch everyday on my way to class. A short week ago, they were nothing but buds. I have learned over the past month, surrender means surrendering everything. That means the parts of my heart I want to control, the parts of my life I want to sway, the whispering feelings floating around my head all day that hurt a little, and sometimes a lot. It means putting myself in God’s hands, like Ruth. Being cradled like an infant and looking up at my Father and saying, Here I Am. And after I’ve done that, having the privilege of saying, “I am here, I am Yours. But there’s this thing that I really want.”

God tells us over and over and over: we are allowed to ask! “Ask and it will be given to you” (Matt 7:7). Mark 4:24-25 speaks to this, too. When we are generous with God, He is generous with us – especially when we intend to use what we want to honor and glorify Him.

The daffodils have bloomed now. I am reminded to be patient and wait, wait, wait. To pray and surrender and trust and ask. God is working with the buds, keeping in mind the flowers and fruits that we want to see. It is so worth it, because no matter what it’s going to look like, it’ll be better than anything we could have made ourselves.

Here’s a link to a video that helped me a lot in this call to “wait”: